The Power of a Quiet Insult

     In North of Beautiful by Justina Headley, Terra grew up with a huge birthmark across her cheek. Her father constantly insults her mother and comments on how "ugly" Terra is with her birthmark. I found that a major part of the book is trying to make her own decisions for her future because she doesn't want to stay in her town. Her dad is a total control freak and super commanding to only her and her mother in private. I think that things shows the power of a suddle insult. It lets you feel like you are still loved, but it still implies what is said.

      This is probably why Terra's mom refuses to divorce her father. Her mom is still holds onto the fact of how harmless they seem. Terra's mom needs to realize that just because he doesn't shout or physically abuse her, he still implies that she needs improvement. Her mom needs to see that when you love someone, they shouldn't need improvement to you. If Terra's dad really did care about her mom, he might notice that maybe something about the person isn't perfect, like in Terra's mom's instance, her weight, but you wouldn't want to make the person you love feel insecure about their personalities or their body.

     The worst part about the quiet insult is that it says, "I can do better than you, You're just garbage that I can kick around," but it also screams of, "please don't leave." Terra's dad always complains and insults everything about Terra and her mom, but when they left for China, he looked lonely. He shouldn't scream at his family and then want them around. It shows that he still loves his wife, but not enough to care about how she feels.

     It's not fair to act like this. It's not fair at all to attack your family and then make it seem like it's no big deal. Insults, big or small, hurt, no matter how you present them. The way Terra's dad presents his insults plays with your feelings because, hey, it's not shouting or anything, but it's still the kind of thing that echoes in your head all day. Stop being lazy. I've seen run over deers look better than you. Maybe if you stopped eating so much bacon you wouldn't be so fat. Terra's dad uses insults like these so casually that nobody else thinks about it except you, really. You think, Am I really that lazy? Of course I am. It makes you feel bad about yourself and brings down your self-esteem. You're kept under a person's power.

     When you're in a relationship where someone is making small comments about you, just think about is they have ever brought you down. If you've felt like you have felt worse about yourself, just think Am I more confident about myself with this person? Insults like this make people feel that maybe it is true. No one should be able to take power over how you feel about yourself. The insult- givers should at least do you a favor and make it obvious you should get away. With a relationship like this, you don't know when to leave. It's like a trap that no one deserves.